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Hello, divorce! Goodbye loneliness!
Why hello, divorce, and farewell, loneliness? We are used to the fact that divorce is “hello, loneliness”. But do not rush to conclusions.
Oh, loneliness, how your character is cool!
Glittering iron compass,
How cold you are closing the circle
Do not heed the assumptions of useless.
Why hello, divorce, andgoodbye lonelinessWe are used to the fact that divorce is “hello, loneliness”. But do not rush to conclusions. Let's analyze what happens to a person when he is going through a divorce.
Suppose that you broke up with your faithful, with whom you lived for several years (dozens of years). It is to you that I will now apply. Reason for divorce? The reasons can be a huge variety.
Most likely, you did everything possible to save your relationship and marriage. But we have to state: the end of marriage.
In handyou hold a passport that says “Marriage is dissolved” in black and white. You are looking at this record and do not understand how you can suddenly break up what has been created by you for years or even decades.
You hurt and offended. You wonder: “How could he ?!”
And you're scared. It is terrible that you do not know whether you will be able to meet a really close person in the future. And if you can open to him after the collapse of previous relationships.You are distracted from sorrowful experiences at work, in communication with friends. But come home to an empty apartment and sadness longing again falls on you. And you clearly feel angry at your former partner because he so easily abandoned you. "How could he ?!" - sounds over and over.
The pain intensifies many times if your former partner has gone to another woman., and you are completely alone. You meet this sweet couple in the city and are ready to howl from pain and resentment. But only squeeze your lips harder, lower your head even lower and move on to your loneliness, saying to yourself: "Lord, for what?"
Here we will dwell on this moment in more detail.
So the question was "For what?" You answer this question: "I am an idiot", "A failed", "I am a bad wife", "I am old, ugly and, in general, I am a fool!"
Do you know thatIs the question itself wrong?
Let's ask the question differently: "What is all this about?" or "What is all this for?"The first question asks for the following:"To changes in life!"
The answer to the second question is not so obvious. And we with my clients are looking for an answer to it in joint work.
Let's do it with you right now.
For example, take a woman who has separated with her husband and feels even worse than before the divorce. She was left alone (?) With small children.
So the question is "what for?" The answer to it: to change in life.What kind of life changes does this divorce lead to?this particular woman?
Most likely, the husband went to the other. That is, he was wrong. And she lived for him and the children, she worked and did not notice much. Namely, the fact that she lived these years not for herself, but for him and other people. And correspondingly,did not live my life.That is, did not realize their desires. Yes, in fact, she had no desires either. Except for those that were directly related to her man.
And when there was a gap, the woman comes face to face with the real personality crisis. Immediately after her divorce, she is tormented by questions like: “How can I live now if I don’t live for anyone?” "Why did he leave me if I did everything for him ?!"
Why all this? Suppose that to change.If this woman begins to see that in fact she did not live her life, then change, apparently, should lead her to start living her life. Further more. Questions begin to arise: "How to live your life? I do not know how it is? "
And then begins the search for answers to the questions: "What do I want?", "Who am I?", "What am I?", "What do I want to come to?" These are not easy questions. Ideally, we should have the answers to them before marriage and a serious relationship. But as they say, better late than never!
A woman comes to understand that she does not have her own desires, and she didn’t. ANDunderstand myself "Who is she and what is she?"- This is a serious task for her. I dare to suggest that it is the divorce that should encourage it to begin to understand itself and live its life.
To the question "To what" we found the answer.
Now the question "Why is she alone and suffering now?"
Here I will add some philosophical thoughts. Any changes in us occur under the influence of external circumstances. And withThe most serious changes occur when these very circumstances are unpleasant and even tragic.
When suffering comes into our lives, we begin to wonder, "Who am I and why am I?" And sometimes painfully looking for answers.
True, some are stuck on the question "For what, Lord?" The first grow as a result of testing. The latter, you guessed it, are degrading.
It turns out that the “post-divorce” suffering is pushing the woman to change, to personal and spiritual growth. And then the answer to the question "for what?" obvious -in order to grow personally and spiritually.
You, probably, know such women who after the divorce opened their business, began to travel around the world, fell in love, lost weight and did a lot of great things. What they could not do while being married.
Have they become happier after the divorce? Those who found themselves undoubtedly became.
They can say: "Hello, divorce! Goodbye, loneliness!"
And I know wisdom and sorrow,
Objects entrust me their secret meaning.
Nature, leaning on my shoulders,
Announce their children's secrets.